Weed Etiquette: Dealing With Your Dealer
I’ve been purchasing cannabis for around 10 years.
In my time, I’ve learned a thing or two about how to make reliable connections with my dealers… or as I like to call them, ‘medicine men’. It’s important to understand what type of dealer you’re working with, to know what truly pisses them off. I decided to write this guide to help everyday cannabis users navigate their relationship with their plug. Hopefully, you can develop a friendship that will last for years to come!
Protip: The real secret is finding common ground. Anything you share can build a weird sort of friendship.
What ‘Type’ of Dealer Do You Have?
When building a relationship with your dealer, it’s important to know what kind of person they are. Always keep in mind the ‘type’; you don’t want to befriend a dealer that’s purely in it for the hustle and the money. If they’re all about business, best keep it that way.
17 Different ‘Types’ of Weed Dealers
A dealer can be a mix of a few of these types… but generally, most will fall under these categories – you’d be surprised!
The Paranoid Dealer
The dealer you have to be super discrete with. You’ll be talking about pineapples or bags of oranges… or some other awkward reference to pot. Often, they’ll double back on their way home; and if you’re taking too long to meet up, they will leave and change locations on you. They will often change their wickr, signal, phone number… and will almost never let you visit them at home.
The key with these folks is to respect their paranoia. Make sure you don’t do anything too sus, as to get them worried or more paranoid.
The ‘Aggressive Hustler’
This is a dealer who is in it for the money. They will actively tell you when they’ve gotten on and with what. They want to move their product quick, and often will on-sell other products; whether drugs, paraphernalia or anything else.
Just don’t waste their time, as they’re here to get shit done.
The ‘Part-Time’ Dealer
These are dealers who hustle on the side. They often have a full-time job, or some form of regular employment. From 9 – 5pm, these folks are generally not available.
Don’t hassle them while they’re at work. They may like to organise a few deals for when they get home… but don’t beg them to get on too quickly. These dealers are often mums and dads. Respect that they may also have kids to feed once they get home.
This is dealer that just doesn’t pull through very often or always fucks you around, when it comes to time. Odds are, they’re waiting for their plug to get on… or have themselves been fucked around by another customer, which is causing them to run late.
There isn’t much you can do here, as it’s often the result of their organisational dysfunction. Just hope they pull through… or find someone else.
The Leafedin/Craigslist Dealer
You’ll find these guys online. Hopefully, they’re not a cop!
If they’re legit, they’ll probably meet you in a public car park and do the deal. If you’re lucky, they’ll want to see you again. If you’re unlucky, they’ll rip you off and short change you. You never really know what you’ll get with these folks.
This is the type of dealer that’s only in it to meet people.
They can be the type to offer buds for sexual favours in return. It’s best to just ditch this connection as soon as possible.
The ‘Best Friend’ Dealer
This is the dealer that wants to be your friend.
They’ll have long conversations with you about your life, and enjoy your company. They can often have weirdo’s hanging out at their place. Often, they want to just keep chatting away.
Sometimes, you’ll have a preference not to mix business and pleasure; that’s fine. However, understand that this person is seeking connection. It’s best to engage with them on that level, if you want to maintain a relationship with them over the long run.
The ‘Delivery’ Dealer
This is dealer that will drop off to your house.
Depending on the type of dealer they are, they may stick around for a little while. If they do, offer them a drink or chop, and have a chat. If they meet you at a public place, make sure you’re the one to jump into their car. They most likely have somewhere else to be, and would like to drive off before you arrive.
Also: don’t be late. They most likely have more people to see. You being 10 minutes late impacts the others after you.
The ‘Stingy’ Dealer
This dealer will often give you less than you asked for.
They’ll never give you any extra bud. If you’re a few bucks short for some reason, they’ll be pissed off. They’ll likely make you buy a smaller amount to make the difference up. Fair enough… but hey, why I can’t I fix you up next time, mate?
They’ll probably give you a lot of leaf and stem, as well. This guy sucks, find a new plug.
The ‘Reliable’ Dealer
This is dealer that’s always good for it. He’s almost always got a supply; when he says he’ll meet you, he will, on time.
These reliable folks are the type of dealers you’re looking for.
The ‘Generous’ Dealer
This is the dealer that likes to give out gifts.
They can be edibles, extra nugs, a joint…hell, even something non-cannabis related, such as food, books or whatever else.
They often also offer a few cones while you’re over, and probably want to talk your ear off. Just be respectful, and enjoy the gifts!
The ‘Well-Known’ Dealer
This is the dealer that’s been doing it a long while, and sees a lot of people.
If you’re part of a community, you’ll see them often posting. They’re most likely dependable and often in stock. Because they’re so well known, they’ll also get hit up a lot.
When they’re dry, you’ll know that they’re serious. Just be paitent with these guys; they almost always pull through.
The ‘middleman’ is normally a mate who wants to get a stick of a fifty for his troubles.
They’ll usually charge you a little more… you’ll also be waiting for them to go and get it. The worst part is, they often don’t have the cash themselves to do it; so you’ll be forced to visit them, perhaps even driving them to old mate’s place to get your bud.
The biggest problem with the middleman is that they waste a lot of your time.
The ‘Snobby’ Dealer
This is the guy who stocks a bunch of strains… whether or not he sells them all is another question, entirely.
He will show you buds that you’ll be blown away by. He’ll talk about the terpene profile, the history of the strain and anything else he can come up with. The worst thing with this guy is that he’ll keep the best nugs for himself, talking down any other bud you show him.
The Old, Old Mate
This is the old mate who is actually old. Maybe in his 50’s or even 60’s.
He likely knows a bunch of old school growers, or even is one himself. His bud is normally well-priced, and is often outdoor/bush. He’ll talk your ear off about the “purple heads” back in his day.
This is a great contact to have; just respect this bloke, and understand he might not be the best with technology. You’ll be lucky if he’s using Signal/Wikr/Threema!
The ‘Medical’ Dealer
This dealer has medical patients. They often see themselves as healers… and in many ways, they are.
The trouble with these dealers? In our world of prohibition, you’re never sure how legit these people are. They may say it’s all organic, that they know the grower… but that could also all be coming out of their ass!
Hopefully, though, you can find yourself a true, no-nonsense medical dealer. They’ll have awesome strains and dosage recommendations to treat your various conditions.
You can expect this dealer to be more expensive… but the quality should match up with the price tag!
There’s a reasonable chance these folks stock CBD oil, edibles and concentrates! Most notably, they’ll probably try and get you to try their vaporiser, and convert you into becoming a #VAPELORD.
The “Wow, You’re a Dealer” Dealer
This is the dealer you just don’t expect to be a weed dealer.
They don’t fit any normal stereotype, into any of the boxes we’ve mentioned… they might not even smoke cannabis. They could just be in it for the money, and has access to a growing connection.