Good Kief.

Ahhhhhh: the fluffy gold… that beautiful, crispy, dusty flower pollen left in the bottom of your grinder or chop tin. The nectar of the Gods — a glandular resin bestowed from above… okay, look, we all know that kief is chief. It really doesn’t need to be reiterated.

And, if you’re like me – a greedy little fucken’ dope fiend – then you already know that maximising your kief yield isn’t just a priority — it’s a matter of life and death.

When payday is still a “stoned throw” away… and you’re down to your last nugs – the “greens jar” is looking **far more jar and a whole lot less green… This, my friends, is when we know to scrape the barrel for that dusty, golden lining… This is when ‘getting the most out of your kief’ is no longer just some regular stoner shenanigan, but a courageous quest – an oddyssey, where good and evil rage in an epic duel. Where brush and dusty — man and trichome — fight head to head… where metal is truly tested against petal.

This is a time that separates the men from boys; the rulers from the ruled — the wolves from the flock.

In this time, dusties are not just scraped… but goddamned heroes are forged.

And fear not hopeful heroes, for we have the down-low on how to get sky-high off your dusties. Here’s everything you need to know about how to cultivate your very own Middle Eastern micro-climate — right inside the bottom of your ‘muller’. We’ll show you how to turn that pithy trickle of trichomes into a full-blown desert storm o’ dusties — hoo-rah!

Now: let’s get into ‘the grind’!

Dime Brag

So, this American lad has just moved in to our flat… and what he lacks in political awareness and subtlety, he makes up for in an encyclopedic knowledge of the dank arts. The dopest prophets, it does seem, are indeed made in California.

Anyway, this is how our conversation went down:

America: “‘A’Suhh dude? Yo, like why don’t you chuck a dime in your grinder, mannn?!”
Me: “The-farken-wot-carnt?”
America: “A penny, a nickel… you know — like a… coin, duuuude?”
Me: “Yeah, nah: the fuck… comma, cunt?”
America: “It’s like, you like… you put it in the bit in your grinder with the weed… and shake that shit around… Seriously? You’ve never done that before?!”

Three shakes later (no pun intended), and I’m staring at Kiefer-fucking-manjaro here:

Ho-lee-chit — MANG!

A previously rather empty grinder is now laced with more dust than Johnny Depp’s nostrils.

(Okay, maybe we’re exaggerating…)

A quick Google search later, and I’m flabbergasted: no one **has ever mentioned this to me?! What? It’s so OBVIOUS — and oh sweet baby Kiefer, does it provide! It easily tripled my resin retention.

Booyakash!

Bass Invader, Moon Dust Maker

Extending on the penny-pulverising-dust-buster concept — is this mad little bit of knowledge, salvaged from deep within the depths of the online forum world:

“I keep my grinder beside my 12″ sub-woofer… and every time I play music loud, it shakes the grinder for me…”

As far as we’re concerned, “Ottawa Kush” is a dank-based God walking amongst mere mortals. Years from now, lecturers in universities across the world will debate the theological and metaphorical essence of this blog post. History shall not forget you, and nor shall we:

“Ottawa Kush” — we salute you, Sir.

Another One Frostbites The Dust

Does keeping your grinder in the freezer increase kief yields?

Heeeelllll yeaaaahhh it does, homies!

Utilising the same super-advanced science behind making ice water hash: freezing your grinder transforms the chemical structure of the trichomes in your weed. It makes the trichones cold and brittle — making them snap and fall off easily — as if from frostbite!

This can be a particularly useful method for removing kief from clogged and “gunked-up” grinders (use alcohol and swab to remove any left over resin, for a full and complete clean).

Of course, a fella is only as good as his Grinder…

All In The Grind

“It’s all in the grind” — and no longer is that just a saying for Caffè macchiato brewing hipster scum. In fact, if you were really seeking to stick it to those Baristas, you could use the classic K-mart coffee grinder to muzz up your dope.

When it comes to the art of dusty extraction, it’s a fine line for the fine grind. Choosing the right grinder is absolutely critical.

Grinders To AVOID

A five dollar grinder is all well and good — but if you’re the budding kief connoisseur, there’s a few things you need to learn to AVOID when choosing your dusty clustering mull’o’matic…

Look, you get what you pay for. Buy a five dollar grinder, and you’re gonna get a five dollar experience. Sure, you can find a grinder for that price — but really, at what cost?!

Most knock-off / no-brand grinders on the market today fall short of our appreciation and support. This is for a couple of reasons:

• They usually have teeth with poor design. They’ll either break off, will be ineffective, or will be so close together that grinding becomes difficult. Cleaning… forget about it. That’s nearly impossible
• Overall poor build quality (low quality plastic / metal)
• Badly woven mesh screens (which become clogged very quickly, and are difficult to clean without rubbing alcohol)
• Commonly produced in unethical circumstances (see: sweatshop labour)

Grinders To DESTROY

Now, the legendary Space Case comes to mind.

Look, we’re not gonna lie: it is a tank grinder — and if you have the 100-something-Australian-buckaroos to blow on it, be our guest. Go get yourself that yeehaw-made-in-the-U-S-of-A space-cadet grinder; a grinder that you deserve!

However, if you’re like me (just a regular ass stoner), and you don’t need a Grinder laser-cut out of aerospace aluminium or anodised, titanium steel, hand assembled by the CIAKGB… then we recommend having a gander at…

“That’s Not A Grinder — THIS Is A Grinder!”

With a near infinite number of grinders on the market, could there really be such a thing as “One grinder to rule them all”?

Could there ever be such a grinder? Minimal, understated, stylish and — (can you feel the product placement building?) — affordable?!

We here at FAB would surely like to think so!

Now kindly gargle and prepare to swallow, as we shove some plugs down your throat!

Okay, in all seriousness, though? Let’s clear this up: I genuinely actually rate the GrindeROO. Even though we DO sell their product on our website, I am NOT paid by them to write nice things — I’m paid per word, suckers!. Heck, up until very recently, I boycotted grinders with a fanatical detest. Why?

Well, I used (and bought) grinders since late my early pot-smoking days in high school — and after a number of uncomfortable, awkward experiences in my youth — I decided that grinding just wasn’t something I was down with any more. It became a dirty word.

I dealt with grinders that didn’t grind… grinders that broke on the job… grinders with mesh screens that would get all gunked up after a sesh or two… grinders that fell apart… grinders that just… sucked. So many shitty, disappointing grinders.

I would find myself frustratedly having to chop the mull up with scissors afterwards anyway — so why faff about with a goddamn grinder? Well — then came a revelation!

The GrindeROO!

I was sold on this product even before I was working for FAB. Wayyyy back when, I had the pleasure of being able to test a GrindeROO. I remember the experience particularly well, because it was the first time I had used a grinder and not wanted to throw it at a freaking wall. The experience was: smooth.

Look, at the end of the day, it’s just a fucking grinder, okay? I’m not gonna drag this section out any more than I already have — I’ll just say this: it’s built like a brick shit-house, and the larger screen actually makes using a grinder worthwhile (this thing chews up and spits out trichomes like a Mac-Daddy-G).

Safe to say, with this product at hand, your kief will be BEEFED. It’s made of aluminium and zinc alloy plated metal — it shreds buds (given that they’re not rock hard PGR), leaving them highly processed and fluffy – just how we like ’em.

The rims also do not stick.. at all — and I’m still bewildered as to the why and how. I haven’t had to clean shit — and I’ve had mine in my possession for nearly six months. I use it very regularly.

Finally, the Four-Piece GrindeROO comes in at $38 AUD – and right now, for a limited time, you can get it from the Friendly Aussie Buds store for $30 AUD! As such, this product is surely a ‘bang for your buckaroos’, and will last you a lifetime.

Now, let’s wrap this up with some wacky hash facts:

Hash… assin’s… weed?!

Kief, comes from the Arabic kayf (كيف), meaning ‘pleasure’. It refers to the tiny, “dusty” hairs (trichomes) found on the cannabis plant. It is also known as: cannabis crystals, dusties, hash, residue, crystals, res, resin, Iowa dab, pixie dust, Kiefer Sutherland and Wiz Khakiefa.

But, did you know that the word “assassin” likely comes from the Arabic “hashishin” (حشاش), literally translating to “hashish users”?

It was used to describe 4th to 16th Century Persian militants, who it is believed would commonly smoke hash before going on their killing assignments (though some historians debate this fact). Now, if that ain’t some Game Of Cones shit…

Kief is generally collected in grinders and chop containers; forming as a fine, yellow dust (thus “dusties”). However, kief can also be produced in quantity using a variety of methods. This is the same process that is essential for what is most commonly known as hashish. Traditionally, kief is pressed into cakes or bricks. Middle Eastern hashish is generally closer to everyday kief than the sticky, dark brown “resin” style hashish found in India.

Funnily enough, in Morocco “kif” is a slang word, used interchangeably for hasish and flower. It often refers to a traditional mix of finely-chopped blend of cannabis and tobacco, which is smoked in a wooden pipe, or hookah.